Whoever spares the rod hates their children (Proverbs 13:24)
Our religious beliefs are never merely theoretical; they are not constrained to an hour or two a week every Sunday morning but inevitably influence every aspect of our lives as they shape our worldview and guide our behavior. Holding specific beliefs about the transcendent—God, the Gospel, and life’s purpose—affects our decisions, relationships, and how we navigate life.
In essence, our daily lives mirror our deep-seated beliefs, as these convictions establish our priorities and responses across various contexts. These beliefs also influence how we read and interpret the Bible. While sometimes the connection to daily life may seem indirect, the impact is direct and profound in other instances. This is where the frequently obscured boundary between religion and cult-like behavior becomes apparent, and it is especially true in the case of Divine Abuse theology. While I delve deeper into this topic in my book on hell, I will presently illustrate the intersection of theology and practice using an infamous example.
Popularizing Child Abuse in the Name of God
I spent over 20 years in the Messianic movement in Israel, where child abuse it prevalent under the guise of “godly discipline.” In many Messianic homes, you’d find the best-selling book “To Train Up a Child,” authored by fundamentalist Michael Pearl and his wife Debi, advocates for “disciplining” children with plastic tubes, whips, paddles, and belts to “break their will.” It endorses abusive methods like food deprivation, cold showers, and outdoor isolation as punishment for disobedience. Having between one and two million copies and translated into at least a dozen languages, its influence potentially reaches millions worldwide.
The central tenet that Michael and Debi Pearl utilized throughout their book is the well-known Proverb 13:24, quoting it several times throughout the book:
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Proverbs 13:24
According to Michael and Debi Pearl’s interpretation, the “rod” is a disciplinary tool intended for the physical punishment of children. Their belief in Divine Abuse’s Penal Substitution theory is not coincidental. Perceiving the gospel as centered on punishment and abuse inevitably influences one’s interpretation of the Bible.
On page 37, Michael and Debi Pearl quote Proverb 13:24 and explain that in modern times, the ‘rod’ is “called whippings.” On page 46, the couple adds:
A spanking, whipping, paddling, switching, or belting is indispensable to the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment.
In essence, their book’s message is that if you don’t abuse your child, he will end up being abused by God—forever. So they hit, and they hit bloody hard. In fact, according to Wikipedia, the book’s teachings are linked to at least three death cases of kids (Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, and Hana Grace-Rose Williams.). In all three cases, homeschooling parents acted on the Pearls’ religious teachings. In the Messianic movement in Israel, small children are often beaten up severely as well; I’ve witnessed it myself on multiple occasions.
The notion that physical abuse, fear, and trauma can cure someone’s sin is absurd. However, This concept should not be blamed on Proverbs 13 but rather on the interpretive method of Divine Abuse, which has produced a highly toxic fruit.
Proverbs 13:24
Israel was a shepherd culture. Even today, driving through the roads of modern and high-tech Israel, you will often see shepherds with their flocks. Every shepherd carries a rod, never to hit his flock, but for several other reasons.
Sheep, not exactly the intellectuals of the barnyard, often take unscheduled strolls when something tickles their fancy. The shepherd uses the rod to block their way if they wander, leading his flock by directing the sheep back to the desired track. In this way, he disciplines them not to wander away. Contrary to the Pearls’ interpretation, Proverbs 13:24 is not a textbook on how to beat up your children but a sophisticated metaphor for guidance. The essence of this proverb is that a loving parent does not indulge every desire of their children; instead, they set boundaries. The Shepherd, however, does not beat up the sheep with his rod and does not cause them distress.
The only time a shepherd will use his rod violently is to fight predators—defending the lives of his sheep from abuse. Ironically, the Pearls flipped the meaning of this verse, turning shepherds into abusers, and they do so in the name of God.
Should a shepherd use a rod to strike their sheep, it would likely induce panic and alarm the rest. Like small children, sheep possess delicate spirits and should be guided with kindness and gentleness rather than through stress and harm.
King David, a shepherd himself, wrote: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). A rod could have only brought David comfort if it were meant to guide and protect him from evil, not if its purpose was to “break his will.”
Contrary to the notion of disciplining children through harsh methods like beating, hosing with cold water, and leaving them outside overnight in the freezing cold, Proverbs 13:24 advocates for a different approach. It suggests that neglecting to protect, guide, teach, and correct a child is akin to hating them. True discipline, as echoed in Proverbs 22:6, involves protection, guidance, education, and caution. Discipline can be administered in numerous ways that do not cause trauma.
Sadly, during my 20 years within a fundamentalist movement in Israel—the Messianic movement—I repeatedly saw parents abusing their children in the name of “Godly discipline,” when in reality, they were only breaking them. The consequences were tragic. In one case, a family I was once very close with frequently disciplined their three sons using the Pearls’ methods, leading to severe mental health issues for all. One brother took his own life, another is incarcerated, and the third battles addiction and homelessness. In another instance, a pastor’s family I knew well has two sons who struggle to maintain employment and suffer from severe drug addiction and mental health issues. In the city where I live, there is the grievous story of a pastor’s son who, having been harshly disciplined as a child, later inflicted physical violence on his wife, too, resulting in her death. These are just a few of the countless distressing examples I encountered in the Messianic movement. Despite their parents’ love, it seems they inadvertently caused profound damage, influenced heavily by the Divine Abuse theology that predominates in the movement.
Biblical Child-Rearing
Do we seriously believe that God is appeased by cruelty and seeks only our compliance? This question becomes crucial when considering the theological endorsement of abuse and cruelty. If God is perceived as an abusive paternal figure who tortured His own Son, then earthly parents might feel justified or even obligated, to discipline through violence and abuse.
From a psychological standpoint, the creation of “monsters” is not accidental; it often stems from hyper-legalistic parents who inflict abuse on their children’s bodies and souls (like in the infamous case of Ed Gein, also known as “the Butcher of Plainfield,” who brought up in a fundamentalist, abusive home.)
Abused children are more likely to become abusers themselves because they often internalize abusive behaviors as “normal” ways to handle conflict or exert control, especially if they lack positive role models. This cycle of abuse can affect their own child-rearing later in life, leading them to repeat the patterns of neglect, aggression, or emotional manipulation they experienced. Additionally, unresolved trauma can hinder their ability to form healthy attachments and use constructive discipline, perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction across generations.
Additionally, young children, when exposed to harsh discipline, quickly learn to associate wrongdoing with severe physical pain. Over time, their focus shifts from understanding why certain actions are wrong to simply avoiding punishment. As a result, they develop a deep fear of being caught or admitting fault, not because they grasp the moral implications of their behavior but because they want to escape the consequences. This is precisely where religious cults thrive. Instead of fostering genuine relationships based on love, grace, and transformation, Divine Abuse instills a fear of punishment and focuses on rigid rule-following. People under religious legalism often conform out of fear of judgment or retribution rather than seeking true heart change or spiritual growth.
Clearly, our perception of the character of our Heavenly Father – whether as loving, gentle, and compassionate or as angry, fierce, and wrathful – will mirror itself in our attitude and practice. Our theological beliefs inevitably influence all aspects of our lives, including our interactions with others and our parenting. Suppose individuals view the cross and perceive it as a Father inflicting violence on His Son. In that case, it should not come as a shock if they also rationalize their own abusive actions towards their children as “divine discipline,” fearing that if they do not discipline harshly enough, God will.
If you’ve encountered such experiences in your life and find it challenging to grasp the concept of God’s loving nature, my brief book, “God as Father,” might be worth considering.
This article is a copy-paste from my book, ‘The “Gospel” of Divine Abuse,’ available on this Amazon page.
A free sample is available here.
[i] Rita Nakashima Brock and Rebecca Ann Parker, “Proverbs of Ashes: Violence, Redemptive Suffering, and the Search for What Saves Us” (Boston: Beacon Press, 2015): 31.
